Managing emotional outbursts at work

Have you ever asked your kid’s school teacher how they deal with tantrums - or, dare I say it, “naughty” behaviour? During a primary school tour a few years ago, I remember one teacher responded with: “we don’t get naughty behaviour here. Children don’t come to school to have tantrums.” 

I couldn’t help but chuckle ─ because little kids do have tantrums, and they act up sometimes (even at school). There are many reasons why, including that tantrums are considered a normal part of early development. As parents/adults, we do our best to navigate these moments without blame or shame, and tell ourselves that our kids will grow out of it.

But what happens when you encounter a colleague having a tantrum or angry outburst ─ perhaps even a senior leader in the organisation…and it’s aimed at you…repeatedly. How do you deal with that? How does the organisation deal with that behaviour? Is it dealt with at all? Or is it left to erode the culture and confidence of those in closest proximity?

These are not typical questions people ask when interviewing to join a company; but this behaviour is often what makes, or contributes to, great people leaving.

As a coach, I’ve worked with many people who have repeatedly found themselves on the receiving end of tantrums and bad behaviour in the office: angry outbursts, shouting, gossiping, public humiliation, back-stabbing. It can really take its toll. It can feel lonely when you’re not sure who to speak to, who to trust, or how to deal with the situation. It can damage your confidence and your career.

How can coaching help a client dealing with these sorts of behavioural issues?   

Firstly, a coach will listen. And, importantly, they’ll show up with full presence. Often there’s such value and a sense of relief in telling someone who’s not related to your work what you’re experiencing and how you’re feeling - in a safe and confidential setting.

Secondly, a coach may help the client to explore their reality. When I’m working with a client, that often starts with questions like: what’s work like for you? What’s your biggest challenge? Tell me more about that. What do you think is going on there?

Then you might talk about the impact it’s having on the client - at work and at home. (How has that effected you? How is it effecting you now? What makes that difficult for you?)

A coach may also explore beliefs, assumptions, behaviours and thought patterns that are coming up for the client as they experience conflict or bad behaviour at work. Incorporating practical tools and exercises to help build understanding around what might be happening during conversational ‘transactions’ between the client and the other party can often be powerful too.

Depending on what the client wants from the coaching (referred to as the ‘contact’) - ie. do they simply want to talk and offload, are they searching for clarity, or do they want to do something with that clarity (to take action; to build resilience; explore communication strategies etc) - a coach will then help their client to explore the steps they could take to bring them closer to their goal…to making the change they want to see.

Whatever the client’s desired outcome, a coach provides a safe space without judgement, and a thinking-partner to help you explore things in a different way. So, if you’re grappling with any of these issues and you think a coaching conversation could be helpful, please reach out. I’d love to talk.